Singaporean Tea
by williz
Summary: William and Elizabeth Turner are being rather irksome and distracting for the crew of the Black Pearl. Jack must devise a plan to get them out of the crew’s hair. What else can he use, but…rum?


**Singaporean Tea**

**Author: **williz

**Disclaimer: **I do not own William, Elizabeth, Jack, Gibbs, or the _Pearl_. But this plot is mine. So no stealing.

**Summary: **William and Elizabeth Turner are being rather irksome and distracting for the crew of the _Black Pearl_. Jack must devise a plan to get them out of the crew's hair. What else can he use, but…rum?

**A/N: **Be warned, this is very silly and for kicks and giggles only. There is a lot of sexual innuendo and many hints of the actual act. There is also rum induced speech, so if you notice terrible grammar, know that it is supposed to be that way. Will and Elizabeth may be out of character, but I don't care. Like I said, it was fun.

* * *

"Well there's got ter be _some_ way ter get them out of our 'air, Cap'n," Gibbs whispered, looking back at the couple who were sitting on some crates with large smiles on their faces.

"Those damn oogly googly looks are really irksome," Jack growled. "If'n I knew a way, I'd do it!"

Gibbs shook his head and sighed, walking away from his captain to continue his work.

Jack gripped the wheel of his _Pearl_ tighter and rolled his eyes, keeping his eye on the horizon. The sun was setting way too slowly, he decided as he leaned against the wheel, his eyes dim.

Turning, he looked at Will and Elizabeth Turner and rolled his eyes once more, seeing them in a loving kiss with their arms all entangled around each other. They looked like one, big, ugly person pulsating and squirming around.

It made him nauseas.

Reaching down behind him, he wrapped his long, dirty fingers around the neck of a rum bottle and turned back to the horizon, bring the bottle to his lips.

He suddenly stopped.

_Because it's a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels!_

Raising an eyebrow, he brought the rum bottle down, then looked at it. And suddenly, all of his crew's problems were solved.

"Gibbs!!! Gibbs, man, c'mere!"

Gibbs hurried up the steps to him. "Yes, Cap'n!"

"Look, mate…I've got an idea…"

A half hour later, Jack waltzed down to the couple who were talking in undertones.

"Well 'ello there, Mr. Turner…Mrs. Turner." He grinned widely. They both looked at him, Elizabeth amused and Will suspicious.

"What do you want, Jack?" Will asked, smiling a bit.

"It seems th'cook 'as made a new batch o' tea from lovely Singapore an' there's absolutely no one onboard man 'nuff ter try it. I was so 'opin' Lizzie 'ere would be man enough ter try it," Jack said, putting his hands together and rubbing them.

"Excuse me?" Elizabeth asked, crossing her arms over her oversized, dirtied white shirt. She wore trousers and boots as well, her hat plopped firmly atop her head.

"Wot I mean," Jack amended, placing his hands together and bowing in apology with his wide, cat-like grin. "Wot I mean is yer a high society lass…an' yeh must 'ave been subjected ter a wide variety of tea in yer day!"

"English tea," Elizabeth said.

"Tha's it?" Jack blinked.

"English tea. That's it. With one lump of sugar." Will just smiled, amused by the whole thing.

"Well Will! Surely ye've been subjected ter…"

"I've been subjected to worse than any Singaporean tea, trust me. I lived with Mr. Brown for many years of my life. Where's this tea you speak of?" Will asked, standing up and brushing himself off.

"Follow me! Lizzie, surely ye'll 'ave some ter?"

"Of course! Any tea Will can drink I can drink better. I can drink any tea better than Will."

"No you can't!" Will argued.

"Yes I can."

"No you can't!"

"Yes I can! Yes I can, yes I can, yes I can!"

"Alright!" Jack said, looking at them like they were the Kraken. "What the 'ell is yer problem…le's jus'….go ter th'tea." He still had a freaked out twinge in his eyes as they followed him down to the kitchen.

"Ah, I've got an idea!"

"What now, Jack?" Will asked, realizing there was something odd about all of this, but not quite knowing what.

"Nothin' really…I jus' think this innit th'right place fer ye's ter be drinking th'tea, savvy? Ye'll get in ol' cook's way, aye? So…'ow bout I let yeh's stay in…" He placed his hand at his chin in thought. "…the closet? Yes?"

"What?! Jack, what is this?" Elizabeth asked, exchanging a look with her husband.

"Hehehe…jus' a joke, love…I din't _really_ mean th'closet. Hehe. Really I meant, erm…the room right next ter th'kitchen? Yes? It's small an' cozy, but yeh don' 'ave ter deal wif meh crew imposin' on ye's." Jack shrugged and waited for their answer.

"Alright, I suppose," Will said, narrowing his eyes at Jack. "If anything funny is going on, Jack, I swear I'll be angry."

"Yeh, yeh…" Jack said. "Jus' take yer tea'n."

Elizabeth poured a cup and sipped it. "Mm, this tea is rather good, although it's rather…bitter."

"I like bitter tea," Will said, drinking some. "This is really quite good, Jack. Thank you."

"Yer welcome," he said, completely glad both were naïve enough not to know what rum tasted like. He had the cook mix just enough of the tea with rum so that it wouldn't be straight alcohol, but just enough.

He wove his arms through theirs and guided them out into the miniscule room beside the kitchen. "Yeh kin both jus' stay in 'ere, aye? I mean, an' drink th'tea o'course!" Jack hurried. "Have fun, children…"

Jack shut the door, leaving Will and Elizabeth alone in the room with a very large amount of the "Singaporean tea". The room contained only one table and one chair. Walking blindly around the room, Will lit some candles.

"I don't know what Jack's up to, but I'm absolutely sure he's up to something," Elizabeth said, watching her love light the candles in the room. When light flooded the small cabin, she sighed, and sunk down into the chair. "And why are we stuffed into this tiny room?"

"Because there's a lock," Will answered nonchalantly.

"What?" She sat up straight and looked at him.

"This door can be locked. There is no lock on the kitchen door and if we were to drink this outside, that would defeat the purpose of having us locked up," Will said.

"I'm afraid I don't quite understand. We aren't really locked in, are we?" She asked, standing again.

Will walked to the door and tried the handle. It clicked, but didn't open. "We sure are."

"Why would he do this? You're entirely too calm about this, as well, William!" Elizabeth said, going to the door and trying to open it herself. When it didn't budge, she kicked it with her boot, pushing her hair back from her face.

"Well, I doubt Jack locked us in here for any evil, sardonic reason, my love. He probably just wanted us out of the way. And at least he left us with this tea." He drank some more of it. "It really is excellent tea. Come have some more."

"It's at times like these I wish this tea were rum!" She growled, gulping an entire cup of it down, obviously not realizing the irony of her statement. "Why would he want us out of the way? We weren't in anyone's way!"

"Well, you know how the crew gets when you and I are particularly, well…"

"We are in love and they act as if we perform acts of the marriage bed directly on deck in front of them!" She said, her brown eyes darkening.

She noticed the small blush on Will's cheeks, but allowed him the respite of pretending she hadn't. She drank some more of the tea. She felt a little bit strange, but ignored it. She realized that sometimes when she was angry, she would receive strange feelings in her head and stomach. It ran in her family.

"Calm down, love," Will said, going up to her and setting his hands on her shoulders. He leant down to kiss her cheek, before reaching up to swipe the hat from her head and kiss her forehead. "He will most likely let us out when the day is through. The sun was already starting to set when he first brought us in here."

"Will, you seem as if you aren't surprised this has happened. You seem as if you already knew he would lock us in here." Her tone was warning. If he truly did know, he had better watch his head.

"I'm not surprised, but I truly did not know he would lock us in here. I knew something was going on. He seemed too flustered and hurried. But I knew no harm would come to either you or I, so I let it happen. Besides, we're alone, aren't we?" Will asked, shrugging.

"I suppose that's true, yes."

"Exactly. There's no where else on this ship in which we can be alone…_truly_ alone. Am I not correct in this?"

"You are, indeed. So should I look at this as a favor from Jack?"

"I am. You might as well also." He sat on the table and drank some more of the tea. "This tea is rather strange, wouldn't you say?"

"Yes, it is. But delicious. I daresay I haven't tasted better."

"And I as well," Will answered, drinking even more. "Come, let's sit over here and just enjoy our tea, shall we?"

He took her hand and led her to the furthest corner from the door, allowing her to sit on the ground. Then he walked to the table and brought a great deal of the tea to her. Plopping down unceremoniously, he poured some more tea for them. "There…now, what to do while we wait?" He asked.

"Hm…what ever can you mean? Surely we must just sit," she teased, mockingly batting her eyelashes in innocence.

He leaned over and kissed her neck. "Sitting is not entirely what I had in mind, Mrs. Turner, if I may be so bold."

"No you may not! _Hiccup!_" Elizabeth pressed her hand to her mouth in shock, wondering what that was. She brushed it aside, instantly. "Mr. Turner, I am a married woman."

"Exactly," he amended. "You said married."

"I am married, yes…but that is not any reason to indulge in the sins of the flesh. At least not on the ship of any pirate. Not here," she admonished, shaking her finger.

He continued to kiss her neck before turning his head and drinking more tea. He felt a heady pulse in his brain, and a tingling sensation in his limbs. Deciding to drink more tea to push the strange feelings from him, he did so and immediately found they got worse.

A half hour later, Will leaned his head on Elizabeth's partially bare shoulder. Her tunic was unbuttoned to reveal a large portion of her collar bone and slipped off of her shoulder. Will's shirt was unbuttoned to his belly button, still clinging to his body by his two bottom buttons.

"An' then she said tha' _I_ wos th'instigator…personally, I fel' tha' she 'ad nu'right to accuse me of such…astro-cities," Elizabeth said, raising her finger up before her and raising her nose in a prim and proper sort of way. And then she hiccupped, completely destroying the prior image.

"Well 'ow dare 'er!" Will exclaimed, raising his head with anger. He threw his arm up. "To thin' some lady person would do tha' ter'a pretty, loverly turnip like yerself! Prepostisonifus!"

"Preposteronious?"

"Tha's th'word!" Will said. "Thank you, Darlingest. Yer oh-so-very intelligent." He leaned closer to her, dropping his forehead against her cheek. Apparently, he thought her ear was at her neck. "Psst! Can I tell yer a'zecret?"

"Mm!" She mumbled, leaning into him.

"I thin' we're no' th'only talkin' species in th'world. I thin' tha' th'aninals kin talk ter." He nodded as if he knew precisely what he was talking about.

"No!" She gasped. "Did y'ear 'em?" She asked, her eyes wide.

"No! Not t'all! Bu' I knows they kin." He hiccupped, as if it would prove his point.

"Yer very obsiliervant."

"I know. My eyes are ver' ver' ver' big."

"They are!" She moved her arms very wide apart and looked to him. "This big! These are your eye sizes!"

"Yes!" He said. "Agreed!" Reaching over, he pulled the entire jug of tea up to his mouth and drank directly from it. The cups were tipped over and in the opposite corner, how they arrived there completely unknown.

Elizabeth flopped forward and Will caught her in his arms, still drinking the tea. He set it down and stared at his wife. He squinted at her. "Wot yeh doin' down'ere?" He asked with a chuckle.

Elizabeth chuckled against Will's neck, grabbing the bottle from him and holding it behind him.

"Hey, where'd tha' good stuff go?" She slurred, giggling.

"The tea?" Will asked, pushing her against the wall.

"Mhm."

"Thin' yer 'oldin' it, love..." Elizabeth's eyes opened wide at his prophecy and brought her hand back, hitting the bottle against Will's head as she aimed wrong.

He winced. "Oww..."

"Oop, sorry, hubby..." she leant forward and sent a sloppy kiss to his head, but missed his head and just patted it lovingly. "M'havin' bad aim."

"An' yer sexy."

"Oooo." She giggled and drank more out of the bottle. "Thi'tea is really really goo'…bu'I thin' it isn't tea."

"I's rum," Will said, drinking more.

* * *

"Las' drip."

"Tha's drop, my darling hu'band."

"An' tha's husband, my darling wiv."

"That's wife, love."

"Oh yeah." He sniffed, leaning his head down against her shoulder. "You can 'ave it. Cuz I like yeh a lot." He stared into her eyes seriously. "I might..." he paused. "...even love yeh."

"No!" Elizabeth gasped, drinking the last of the bottle and dropping it behind her with a clank and throwing her arms around his neck. "I love yeh too, cheeky monkey!"

"Yay, le's get married!"

Will wrapped his arms around her and made his voice strong. "Inow pr'ounce you meh wiv." He kissed Elizabeth sensually.

Elizabeth broke away dreamily. "Mmm, hehe, but there's no friar."

Will opened his eyes incredulously. "Liz'beth, I din't know you were Jewish. F'I 'ad known, I would've broken th' tea bottle wif' meh foot."

She giggled. "Mm, William...foot."

"Hehe, foot."

"Yer foot's zezzy."

"Wot?"

"Sexy."

"Oh thanks. I like yer 'and."

"Sweet o' you to zay zo."

* * *

"But what of the captain, William?"

"Leave him, love...he mus' go down wif' 'is ship. As all goo' cap'ns do."

Elizabeth crumpled against Will. "Oh Darling...the beauty of it all. Th'wedding mus' be zoon, fer my large family needzdo be there."

Will nodded vigerously. "But I'don' 'ave any fam'ly. Jus' a pappy."

She widened her eyes. "Oh, you lovely, poor, 'andzome, muscly, ztrong, gentle man. I'll br yer vam'ly."

"Yeh?"

"Mm...iv you promise...to be thizexy when yer old...like my da'." She shook her head. "Din't work out too well fer'im."

Will lifted her against the wall. "Yer eyes are so brown they look orange."

"My eyes are orange?"

"Mhm."

"Well yer eyes are black."

"Ooo...speckles of orange...pretty."

She leaned up to kiss him solidly. Willsunk into Elizabeth's rum-induced kiss, before pulling away and breathing.

"You, lady...are in need of a man like me."

"S'why'm marrying you, zilly goose."

"I'm no goose!"

"Well, neither am I!"

"Good! I don't want a goose fer a wife!"

"Me neither!" She kissed him again, her leg leaving the ground and bending as she giggled.

Will leaned against the wall next to Elizabeth as they broke apart.

"Did yeh know 'ow sof'yer 'air is? I's like...sof'ness." He put his face in it and shut his eyes in ecstasy.

"Well, yer 'air is..." She reached up and pulled his hair, watching as he winced. Then she let go and watched it spring back. "...messy, an' curly, an'...ooo sexy." She ran her hands through it.

"Liz'bet' ... yeh smell like rum."

_SMACK!_

"Ow, wot--?"

"I though' ye looked ter sexy, an' I though' it might tone it down...I'm no' takin' advantage of a...HICCUP...vulnable...vulneeble...vulnerangle...boy."

"Vulnerizzle?"

"Right. Tha'."

"Oh...well I 'ave no problem with it."

"Oh good." She jumped at him, attacking his lips with hers.

"Yeh 'ave muscles lik steel," Elizabeth breathed, pulling her lips from his with a smack.

"Muscles don't lick steel."

"Well, you never know," Elizabeth snapped.

"What ever 'appened'a takin' ad'vtage of me, hm?" He raised an eyebrow at her as he leaned against her body.

"I fergo'...gimme a second an' I'll 'member."

"Make it quick...m'startin' ter look at yer eyes again." He sighed dreamily, resting his forehead against hers. After minutes, she replied.

"I 'member."

"Oh good." They kissed again, Elizabeth pushing his hair back.

* * *

Will sat slumped against the wall, Elizabeth's head leaning on his shoulder.

He was humming a waltz under his breath, his fingers dancing on Elizabeth's thigh to the music. By putting his pointer finger and middle finger down against her thigh, he managed to make a small person, the result being that a small person was waltzing on Elizabeth's leg.

"Get off meh leg, small person..." She muttered down at the offending miniature man she saw. "G'wan shoo."

Will moved his lips to her ear and hummed it slower, guiding the little man up her thigh and back down again with a 1..2,3! 1...2,3! 1...2,3!

"Will, are you no' jealous? Another man is dancing on m'thigh." She quirked a drunken eyebrow at him. Will just shook his head no and nuzzled his nose down against her hair.

"S'long as 'e stays'ere." He flattened his little man out and wrapped the hand around Elizabeth's lithe waist. "See? 'e's dead. I killed 'im for you."

"You moodered him," she giggled.

"Mhm, jus' fer you."

"My heHICCUPro."

That sat for a few minutes in silence, just staring before Elizabeth spoke up again.

"Tha' little man was cute..."

"Th'un on yer thigh?"

"Mhm...kinda rough 'roun'the edges, but an exzellent dancer."

Will looked down at his rough pirate hands and smiled. Then he got jealous. "Wha's tha'sposed'er mean?"

"Nuffing, jus' 'e wos kinda cute's'all," Elizabeth defended, raising her eyebrows and shrugging.

"Well, jus' cuz you see a li'l pirate man waltzing on yer thigh an' stoof an' 'e's kinda rough roun'the'edges, dun' mean yeh kin run off an' marry'im!"

"Yeh moodered'm, hubband-o-mine. I can' marry 'im."

"Bigamist..."

"Shut up."

_SMACK!  
_  
"Mmm..." He muttered.

"Teehee!" The young woman giggled.

Will kissed Elizabeth passionately, feeling her arms swing over his neck and pull him closer to her. "B'I doubt th'li'l pirate could..." she paused as she kissed him passionately again. "...could kiss lik you."

"I wou'n't wan'im ta kiss lick me. Tha's gay."

"Kinda sexy."

Will's eyes widened. "Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! I like girls!!! I'm not kissing a tiny pirate 'o's rough'rounda'edges! Ewwwwwww!"

Elizabeth lifted a leg and flopped it down over his strong thigh, pulling him closer. "Shut up, stupid."

"Eeeew!!!!"

"Get over it."

"Make me."

There was a breathy laugh.

"Ooo." Poor Will.

* * *

"God save the Queen."

"God save 'oever made you," Elizabeth said, reeling from a particularly risqué kiss Will planted on her, nuzzling into him dreamily.

"God save 'imself'n." He chuckled, feeling Elizabeth's hand pull his shirt out from his pants and push her hand up against the skin of his abdomen.

"Thar she bloooooows!" Will bellowed, pointing to the wall in front of him.

Elizabeth giggled, her hand moving up beneath his shirt to rub against his chest, while the other played with a lock of his thick, dark hair. She reveled in the silliness of his actions as he made battle noises.

"Hit the deck!" He grabbed Elizabeth and plastered her down against the deck, lying on top of her and making an explosion sound. "Save yerself, m'love! I been 'it," he muttered, his eyes drifting shut dramatically.

They opened again, blinking down at her. "I...I wan'ou to know, love...that I am very...love you."

"No, Will! Don't die! No!"

"I mus' go. Don't cry for me, Argentina! I leave you now!"

"Argentina?"

He shrugged and sat up, grabbing another bottle of the tea, uncorking it, and drinking more. He sat back against the wall again. Elizabeth joined him and Will promptly snuggled into her, almost as a child would his mother.

"I've always felt really bad fer cannonballs," Will muttered randomly against Elizabeth's chest, his voice slightly muffled.

"Cannonballs?"

"Mhm. They're so brave, yeh know. They're shoved in this long tubey thingy and set on fire then BAM!"

"EEP!"

"Zorry."

"S'ok." Her hands stroked his hair back from his face as she felt something wet seeping into her shirt. Looking down, she saw Will with tears in his eyes. Elizabeth pulled his face up. "Aww...wot's wrong, Cute Head?"

"Those poor cannonballs..." He sniffled.

"D'awwww, c'mere!" She grabbed his head and hugged it tightly to her bosom, nearly choking him as his arms flailed about. "Yer cute."

"..air..." he choked.

"Mhm, the air is really nice, isn't it? So clean and smelly...in a good way."

"...aaair..." She let go of his head and grinned.

"Sorry."

"Oy, pretty lady?" Will asked, lightly, when he regained his breath.

"What, 'andsome?"

"There's a freckle righ' 'ere." He poked the small freckle on her collar bone. She giggled.

"Th'tickles, stop'at."

"Bu' I like the freckle, i's cute..." His voice died down as he felt Elizabeth's soft, warm hand move beneath the hem of his trousers and lightly touch his backside.

"I lik yers be'er."

Will blinked.

"Tha' wos more'n'a freckle, I think," Elizabeth smirked, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him squarely on the lips.

"Din't feel like it ta me."

"I thin' tha' rum's good fer a relationship betwing doo people in wub." Elizabeth looked up at him and grinned, showing a bit of her teeth. Subtly, she snuck her hand in his trousers again and pulled it up, sneaking a look at his arse.

Will's voice came muffled from her neck. "Are you looking at my bum?"

"No."

"You bum looker!"

Elizabeth shook her head. "I wasn't!"

"You bum looker!" But his next jibe was cut off as he felt her hands unbuckle his belt. "Tha'sno' right...what're yeh...oh...bully..."

"Teehee." She giggled again.

The belt came out of its loops slowly, not because Elizabeth was trying to be seductive, but because their bodies sort of pinned it down. "Damnable belt..."

Will just stared down in awe. "Wot's tha'?" He asked, squinting down at her shoulder.

Elizabeth stopped. "Wot's wha?"

"Looks lik a l'il black thin' but I dunno." Elizabeth's eyes traveled down to her shoulder and saw a spider looking up at her. Before she could scream, Will jumped off her and grabbed her to stand, clamping a hand over her mouth and muffling it.

"Nobody know we're 'ere, love...if you wannit ter stay tha' way, sh." She nodded, closing her eyes in fright as the spider moved across her collar bone. Will's finger moved with surprising precision before flicking the spider to the ground.

He jumped away, Elizabeth sighing, before throwing his hands out. "S'alright'!S'alrigh'! I got it!" He stomped, but missed it, as it crawled for Elizabeth. His belt was swinging everywhere, as it was still in two of the loops.

Elizabeth was jumping up and down, hoping it would move underneath her feet. She gasped as it almost reached her, but Will's foot slammed down on it. Will grabbed her quickly and pulled her back to the wall, cuddling her protectively.

"William..." came her soft, lulling voice.

"Wo'?"

"You saved me...I love you."

Will smiled down at her and wrapped his arms about her. "B'cause yer meh wiv an' I love yeh too." Elizabeth smiled up at him as Will felt the belt being pulled out the last two loops and dropped to the ground. It clunked heavily.

"Tha' wos loud..."

"Mhmm..."

"Yer 'ands're warm."

"Mhm..."

"Ooo."

About an hour later, Will sat shirtless and beltless against the crates, Elizabeth on his lap, idly drawing circles over his exposed abdomen.

Will held out a finger and pretended it was a gun, shooting fake bullets at the squashed spider on the floor and making the sound effects.

"I lik yer gun, Will..."

"I know'ye do." He pulled her closer and wrapped both arms around her. "There's a spot on th'ground. We should clean it."

"M'no...not now." She nuzzled into him.

"B-" She kissed his mouth, silencing him.

"William Turner, I thin'I may b'drunk." She looked into his dark eyes with a lame smile.

"Oh, naaah...we're too respodibly...respo..."

"Response-able?"

"That. Yeah...I mean we're not Jack, Liz. We're too...nevermind, yer pretty." He grinned cheekily, laying his head back against the wall.

"An'yer charming...but yehneeda shave..." She fingered the fuzz on his chin.

"But'm'a pirate...pirates don' shave."

"But you're my clean pirate..."

"Which is why I'd likeda clean tha' spot on the deck."

Elizabeth pouted as he left her sitting against the wall and went to the spot.

Will scrubbed the floor, trying to get the spot off. "I dunno why's'not comin' off, love. 'Cause it looked like it could'a come off."

Elizabeth watched glumly. "Chose a spot on th'floor 'stead o' me."

Ignoring her, probably not even hearing her to be truthful, Will kept scrubbing. Then he stopped and looked down, squinting. "Hey, waaaait...this in't a spot...s'a part o' the wood."

"Nooo..." Elizabeth said, crawling over to look at it.

They both kneeled over it on either side of each other, staring in awe. She set a finger on it. "Loo', this par's darker'n this par'! Tha's weird."

"I lik it."

"I do too...know wot else I lik?"

"Ice cream?"

She giggled, thinking he was adorable when his eyes sparked childishly like that. "Tha' too, but I wos goin'a say you." She dove over the small spot and tackled him to the ground, kissing his face wildly.

As Elizabeth lay on top of him, Will shut his eyes and sighed. "Yeh know wot y'smell lik, Lizzie?" He slurred.

"Hm?" She looked down at his handsome face.

"Y'smell like th'soft breeze o' the ocean as it carries th'jasmine blossoms...an' rum." He lifted a hand to her face and stroked the hair back from her face. "I lik 'ow y'smell. An'..." He paused, leaning his head up to smell her neck. "...mmm, s'tha' lavender perfume? Where'd yeh getha'?"

"Jus' fer you, love. An'I'm no' tellin'." She leaned down and kissed him. "Oi, where's yer belt, cheeky monkey?" She asked against his lips, her skilled hands feeling that he had none. "An' y'shirt?"

"Y'took it from me."

"I didn't!"

"You did."

"Now why would I do sumfing lik 'at?" She scrutinized him.

"Y'can't keep yer 'ands off'me." His face looked awfully cheeky.

"Hm...guess no'."

As if to prove his point, Will's eyes shot wide when he felt her hands at his trousers.

* * *

Will laid face down on the ground, giggling madly, his trousers undone. He rolled onto his back and lay there, splayed lazily.

"You...are too much, Elizabeth Swann." He was nearly breathless.

Elizabeth dropped down beside him and buttoned up her own trousers. Latching her fingers to his buttons, she redid them and kissed his chin. "Don' you remember, Will? I'm married to you."

"Yes, love...but I thought it wos a dream."

She cuddled closer to him and pushed a strand of his slightly damp hair from his dewy forehead to place a kiss there. "I 'aven't the fortune o'aving such luck wif m'dreams, so I thin' it wos real."

Will rolled his eyes back in ecstasy. "Christ, wifey...at th'risk o' soundin' lik Jack...BUGGER!!"

Elizabeth laughed. "I'll show you bugger..."

"Ooooh yeeeahhh... WOOHOO!"

Another hour later, Will rolled away from his wife again, an incredibly wide grin on his face.

His eyes were halfway shut as he forced himself to breath evenly again. "Elizabeth? Is it alrigh' if I tell yeh tha' y'th'zexiest female on th'face o' th'earth?"

"Perfectly fine with me," she giggled, rolling over to lay halfway on his strong form.

"Think the rum's gone, yet?"

Elizabeth laughed, bouncing against his chest. "Oh, darling, please don't make me say it."

"Can I?"

"Have fun, my love."

"But why's the rum gone??"

Both of them erupted into laughter whilst buttoning up their trousers once more.

* * *

Captain Jack Sparrow coughed loudly as he neared the door, so as to alert the couple that he was coming, just in case they weren't entirely decent.

He set his ear to the door and squinted his eyes. He heard absolutely nothing.

At the risk of opening the door to see the most disgusting sight of his life, he took the key from inside of his vest and put it in the lock. As he opened the door, he breathed a sigh of relief, hearing nothing that sounded like hanky panky.

Peaking around the corner of the door, he almost laughed when he saw the couple passed out in the corner. Will's trousers were undone and his belt was on the floor. His shirt was unbuttoned and half hanging off of his shoulders. Elizabeth was fully dressed, with one boot across the room, her hat hanging on her bare toe.

But the sight he saw next to them was even more surprising. Four bottles of the tea laced with rum were completely empty, rolling haphazardly along the wooden floor.

'They drank all that?' Jack thought to himself, quite proud. Deciding to let them sleep off their drink for the night and not disturb them, Jack shut the door again.

The couple would have terrible side effects the next morning, but for the time being, that wasn't exactly what Jack was worried about.

He was more worried about what Elizabeth Turner would do to him when she _did_ wake up the next morning. For her side effects would be entirely his doing.

* * *

(A/N): I warned you about the silliness. So don't say I didn't warn you, because I did!!! I DEED! I DEED!

How did you all like it? I hope you found it funny, because I was howling when I read it over.

Just a tidbit for comedy lovers and the Willabethers! Hope you guys like it!!!!!

-williz


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